USA History. История США на английском языке

Now it's time for a brief history of the United States of America.

Hi, boys and girls, ready to get started?

Once upon a time there were these people in Europe called pilgrims.
And they were afraid of being persecuted.

So they all got in a boat and sailed to New World where they would not
have to be scared ever again.

"Oh, I'm so relaxed. I feel so much safer."

But as soon as they arrived they were greeted by savages.
And they got scared all over again.

"Indians!" So they killed them off.

Now you'd think wipin' out a race of people would calm them down but
no, instead they started getting frightened of each other

Witch! Witch! So they burned witches.
In 1775 they started killing the British so they could be free.

And it worked, but they still didn't feel free.
So they passed the Second Amendment which said that every white man could keep his gun.
"I love my gun! Love my gun." which brings us to the ingenious idea of slavery

You see, boys and girls, the white people back then were also afraid of doing
Any work. So they went to Africa, kidnapped thousands of black people,
brought them back to America and forced them to work very hard for no money.

And I don't mean no money like "I work at Wall-Mart and make no money»
I mean a zero dollars, nothing. Nada, zip. (nada=Spanish for 'nothing').
Doin' it that way made the USA the richest country in the world.

So, did havin' all that money and free help calm the white people down? No way.
They got even more afraid. That's because after two hundred years of slavery
the black people now outnumbered white people in many parts of the South.

Well, you can pretty much guess what came next. The slaves started rebellin'.
They finally rised and lead to old master's head got chopped off.
When white people heard of this they were freakin' out and going "I wanna live,
Don't kill me, big black man"

Well, just in the nick of time went came Samuel Colt who in the 1836 invented the first
weapon ever that could be fired over and over without havin' to reload. And all the
the Southern Whites were like Yee-haw! but it was too late.
the North soon won civil war and the slaves were freed.

Yep, they were free now to chop all the old masters' heads off.
And everybody was like "Oh, no, we're gonna die" But the freed slaves took no revenge.
They just wanted to live in peace. But ya couldn't convince the white people of this.

So they formed the Ku Klux Klan and in 1871 the same year that the clan became
illegal terrorist organization another group was founded. The national rifle association.
Soon politicians passed one of the first gun laws, making it illegal for any black
person to own one. It was a great year for America that the KKK and the NRA.

Of course they had nothing to do with each other and it was just a coincidence.
One group legally promoted responsible gun-ownership and the other group shot
and lynched Black people. And way it was all the way till 1955 when the Black woman
broke the law by refusing to move to the back of a bus. White people just could not
believe it.

"Why wouldn't she move? What's going on?" Man, all hell broke loose.
Black people everywhere started demandin' their rights. And White people were
had a major freakin' field meltdown. And they were all like "Run away, run away!"
And they did. They all ran clean into the suburbs where it was white and safe and clean.
As they went out and bought a quarter of a billion guns and put locks on their doors,
alarms on their houses gates around their neighborhoods and finally they
were all safe and secure and snug as a bug.

And everyone lived happily ever after.